Monday, September 10, 2007

A trip to remember

Just got back from our hometown, Kota Bharu. E-am tag along with us and as expected he had few episode of self demonstration at the airport, market and few other places.Muka akak ni dah taktau tebal mana dah... Sabar je lah. But most of all, we had fun. Me and mama were laughing all the way watching e-am in action. Nantilah ada masa , I ll tell you more stories of this trip.

Mama and E-am looks great.

Monday, September 03, 2007

We are different, yet we are alike


What Is Courage
Brenda Wiseman, R.N.,C.

Have you ever wondered where people get the COURAGE to deal with life's adversities? Reflecting on your own life, perhaps you have questioned the source of your personal courage. Talking with people in the clinic each day, I am struck by the incredible courage of our patients and their families.

In exploring the definition of courage, I was reminded that courage is NOT the absence of fear. It is a quality of mind which meets danger or opposition with valor, firmness and bravery. This definition still seems inadequate to describe the reflection in the eyes of people who frequent this clinic. Upon further exploration, I learned that the French root word of courage is coeur which means heart. The heart as the sustaining source of courage... Courage that is "rooted" in love. This definition brought clarity to the reflection seen in the eyes of those living with cancer and their loved ones.

In 1534 Martin Luther was quoted (in preface to his translation of the Psalms) "The human heart is like a ship on a stormy sea driven about by winds blowing from all four corners of heaven." Cancer is certainly one of the stormiest seas of life, and it calls for courage in both aspects of its definition: firmness in the presence of danger and heart in the form of love.

As I look at cancer patients and their loved ones, I see that love seems to be the essential ingredient to propel us in life and the fundamental source of courage.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

A song for Mama

I remember singing this to mama through the phone while I was away. It really suits to what I felt about my mama.
Hope one day, E-am will be singing me this song too :)

You taught me everything
And everything youve given me
I always keep it inside
Youre the driving force in my life, yeah
There isnt anything
Or anyone I can be
And it just wouldnt feel right
If I didnt have you by my side
You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
Youll always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times

Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama youre the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin you is like food to my soul
Youre always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did
And you took up for me
When everyone was downin me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on
There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
Youll always be
You will always be the girl in my life

i cried.

Emotion swings

Its hard to describe my feelings right now. At times, I'm on top of my positive energy and at times I'm drifting apart. Ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangat ku ini. Time is like so precious to me right now. Juggling myself as a mother, daughter, wife and an employer is very challenging for me. There's no time to be selfish, all I can think right now is to accomodate as much as I can to every responsibilities. I thank you for those who have been helping and supporting me in many aspects. From helping me taking care of E-am at the office to giving me the oppurtanity to spend time with Mama. You know who you are.I thank you very much.
Mama had gone through her second chemo last week and now recovering the side effects. In another 2 weeks time, she ll be doing her third chemo again. Hmmm..another disaster routine to go. But Mama is hanging there, firm and tawakal. Ya Allah, panjangkanlah masa Mama bersama kami, berikanlah mama kekuatan, berikanlah kami sekeluarga kekuatan untuk menerima dugaanmu ini...